101.

I have moments where I look back in my life and appreciate every hard situation that I had to put up with. There is no day where I ask myself “for what in the world would I value a dysfunctional situation from past?”

Because when we deal with situations that imprint a mark on our personalities and lives, they can be good marks or bad. I chose to have good marks.

I used to give so much attention and spend so much energy on what other people may think, their needs. I lost control and I have forgotten how to take care of myself. How to make choices for me, bad or good. Years and years I have found myself in a ravine full of bitterness that covered my body without giving me a chance to say stop. Life does not give you this liberty but it does give you the tools to work with.

This is how I had to learn about my abilities to cope with dysfunctional situations in my life.

What was dysfunctional you ask?

  • Family – Conflicts, Misbehavior; growing up as a child understanding that such a conflict is normal. This is because of Co-Dependent parents – this is a type of dysfunctional relationship where one person supports another person’s addiction, immaturity or/and under-achievement. They relay excessively on the other people for Approval and Identity. They have an inability to tolerate being alone; chronic feelings of boredom and emptiness; low self worth; denial.
  • Friends – growing up as an adolescent understanding that parents premises are normal outside of a family; that clinginess behavior will go upscale in friends relations. They seek attention, approval and identity from their friends.
  • Relationships – growing up as an adolescent it is easy to form as an individual from your parents representation. They get no self worth; they are clingy after partner’s approval about anything. Therefore the apprehension to do things outside of a relationship like: learning new things alone, studying somewhere, going even to  work without partner’s approval is terrible and hard to comeback.

 

These situations left a mark in my life, but they didn’t dragged me down.

I have learned my skills in over 10 years without knowing for sure what they are. I have learned that even tho I grew up the way I grew up that was not a big black banner for me and for what I am today. I have learned to have compassion, empathy and to listen without judging.

I have learned how important is to give myself in what I want to do without fear. I grew up with such anguish about how to talk out my thoughts, how to ask. I was never able to speak up my mind because I was not allowed to.

I have learned how devastated my energy was because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I have learned to read every book that I could find, listen to every music I could get, study and get a degree in what interested me the most, paint, cook, express myself and my inner core. I didn’t need anybody’s approval for my identity, for my mind, for my personality.

I needed Me, Myself and I.

Make it your own way. Realize that it is You who is strong.IMG_3205

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